“Home is where the heart is.”
I have never really been able to feel at home. My bedroom isn’t much to me, I feel the same on my pillow as I do in a hammock. Settling down has never been a thought to me. Though out high school, I knew I wasn’t meant to stay in my little town of under 500 full time residents. The one gas station at the four ways with the blinking stoplight, never gave me a sense of home.
I thought that maybe I could find a home in Maine. For a little while I did. I surrounded myself with great friends and better dogs. Soon, one by one they graduated or flunked out. By sophomore year, I was alone again. I was homeless. I still had a roof over my head and a room that was “mine” but these never gave me the warm fuzzy feeling of home.
I find myself filling the void of having no home with the idea that if I travel enough, if I search hard enough, at some point I will find it. Touching the four corners of the globe just to capture a feeling that I am not sure exist.
Driving by houses on back roads twisting side to side with the river that runs adjacent, the separation is clear. The water runs, ever moving and when time, it restarts its cycle. Our houses will soon become just another eyesore, forgotten and left by others. Its ok if others don’t think as I do, I don’t blame others for finding what they want within walls, I am searching for the same feeling.
Maybe life should just be nomadic. Bring myself to stop judging myself from the earth that I claim, but rather the earth I have touched. After all, the land is not mine to take, it was here before me and will be here long after I leave.
Traveling is just a way to fill the void of not being able to connect to a place to the point I want to own it. It’s only as good as putting a knock-off Band-Aid on a gunshot. With every person I meet, every peak that I summit, and all the land I get to touch, I am able to put another on.
Life is too short to have as much stress as I do on a normal daily basis. I dream to be, work too much, and sleep to little. This is the paradox of life today. Chase our dreams but don’t risk anything.
If I don’t have anything to risk or to lose, how fast can I chase what runs away from me? I watch so many people trip on useless belongings while they attempt to chase visions that are more a mirage rather than the reality that’s capturer. Loaded up with anchors and weights, some attempt to fly, repeating over and over again with no change.
To explain life, people use words while other specious accept that life is what it is and that is all. Moving from location to location, just to live the life that they have. These are the lessons to take from nature, the things that we are unable to learn in the factory line class rooms.
A cliff covered in the ocean mist with the contrasting green moss claiming its own piece of the rock face. Twenty feet down lives a site that most people won’t even bat an eye at. A small tree has claimed a patch of dirt, grown and shown its evergreen needles to the sun. While others look to the vast ocean to see what the future holds, I see mine in this tree.
Grow in the places that you should not, rise from the things that weigh you down and become something beautiful. Even if the others do not see you, never give you credit and never help, do something that you find to be extraordinary. Someone else is watching, becoming inspired, who knows what they are able to do.
I have come to terms with idea of home, my heart is not in one place but rather beats along with nature. As silence mask and muffles life among the pines, as the ground begins to take you in, as you become peaceful, that is when you will know. You will feel home.
“If home is where my heart is, I will leave a little piece everywhere I go. So then, no matter where I go, who I am with, what I am doing, I will truly always be at home.”