Josh Reutzel
Dream, Adventure, Rescue, Repeat.


Four Time Wasting Tasks To Do When Nothing Goes Right

One: Order a pizza that will never come. 

This is a very fun and time consuming activity that you can do to fill some of that down time.  First you have to find a pretty well rated pizza shop near you and deny them your business because some three star shack has online ordering.  Nest spend about thirty or so minutes debating between the specials or just loading up on french fries like some starch feast.  We went about 5 rounds deep in the debate before pulling the trump card of BBQ Chicken pizza, a clear winner.

Once you have made your order, paid with your only debit card that you have brought on the trip, and even gave then a 25% tip to the deliver, wait.  After an hour, get slightly concerned and call in, they won’t answer, the game has really begun.  Numbers and equations fly by your vision as you begin to try to find any other form of contact.  Facebook, won’t answer, Twitter, they wont respond after you @‘d them three times, email, who the hell has a email for a pizza place.  

2 hours has passed and your significant other is withering away to almost nothing.  You get drastic, driving to the pizza place to find a locked door.  Opening your bank account they already took that money and your tip, your down to pennies.  You snack on those old curly fries from an Arby’s you went to back in high school.

8PM, after five and a half hours of playing the most time consuming game, you get a call. Your pizza will be there soon.

Two: Watch a TV show no one has heard of (Bonus points if its in a different langue)

After being on the road, there is nothing better then winding down and enjoying a well deserved rest on a queen sized bed with stupidly small square pillows that never seem to be quite soft enough, nor firm enough to be any good. As you flick through the channels, surfing between Right-Winged News and sponges living in pineapples, you stumble across greatness.

Its loud, annoying, beautiful, silly, and educational, kinda.  As two c-list actors scream bloody murder back and forth to each other in Spanish you are drawn in.  After cinco minutes, you side with Maria, as Pedro was such a bad father for little Paco.  

The light fades quickly from a well light skyline, as the your eyes stay glued to the back lit entertainment flashing before you.  Even as you get up to use the lavatory, you peak your eyes out from the door just to watch the slap Maria lands, as the show ends on the high note, a tear is leaked from the corner of your eye…. scene.

Three: Brew Coffee in the Bathroom.

There really isn’t a story for this one, it just happened.

Four: Make a Cheese Wrap

Lastly is a great one for all the people who hate to let perfectly good food go to waste.  All you need is some cheese, some wraps, and thats all.  Just forget about the ham that you left at home because you forgot to pack it and you don’t want to own up to that so your significant other can hold it over your head for the rest of the trip.  

Carefully place the thick sliced cheese onto the wheat white wrap concoction that you bought because it was on sale. Burrito wrap it just like Chipotle, this is so that you can convince your brain that you will enjoy what you are about to ingest even though we all know you actually won’t.  As you sink your teeth into the air before the cheese you begin to miss that old Arby’s curly fry from the pizza issue.

As you inhale what ever calories that cheese and a wrap can give you, just remember, these are fleeting moments, and as soon as your trip is done, you will sit behind your second hand desk and write about all these mistake that you made so that others can’t make them too.  Even though you actually want them to so they can truly grasp your pain.

Josh ReutzelComment